Fiona Cassidy

Fiona Cassidy
Author, Mother, Thirty Something...

Thursday, 22 March 2012

One Fired Every Minute.....

Wednesday evening is now my favourite TV night and will be for the foreseeable future as long as I have Lord Sugar and his wanna be business partners keeping me entertained on The Apprentice along with the shennanigans from the labour ward on One Born Every Minute!

I have to say though that it takes a certain type of person to want to willingly partake in such shows and I most definitely wouldn't be one of them...leave me on the other side of the screen to laugh, cringe and sometimes shed a wee tear at what's happening in TV land but as for ever even contemplating joining in....ooooh I don't think so!

As I am not a business person in any sense of the word nor do I have any ambitions to accomplish world domination with my superior savvy or well tuned accumen I can only watch open mouthed as others literally climb over the top of one another in an attempt to land a job! I have to laugh at some of the statements they come out with though in their attempts to impress the man himself....

"I deserve to be Lord Sugar's business partner because I have a degree in rocket science, have my own market stall that brings in an annual turnover of six million pounds a year and have the single most overbearing, domineering and up my own arse attitude of anybody in the world which means that I will murder anyone who gets in my way" (and all whilst wearing a sharply tailored suit and killer heels....and that's just the fellas).

But anyway.....I love it love it love it and am addicted to the show and end up squealing at the TV in angst depending on the task and/or how annoying the contestants happen to be....remember Stuart Brand...nuff said methinks!

Now over to my other pleasure....One Born Every Minute...sweet feckin' Jaysus, Mary and Joseph and the wee donkey....not for a million pound or a pension would I even think about letting a camera anywhere near me whilst there are rumblings in the fandango department! It's bad enough to have to lay yourself bare (literally) for medical personnel but to do it knowing that the nation will see you at your most vulnerable/angry/hysterical/....and in some cases stoned on gas and would take a braver woman than me and I'm quite well behaved when I'm in labour! Besides if there had been a film crew present at the last delivery they would have missed quite a bit of the action as they wouldn't have all fitted in the lift! Long the post I wrote for April last year!

It fascinates me how everyone can be so normal when they know millions of people will be in on the act....have to say though the character who took me to the fair completely was the foreign girl who kept chasing her husband out of the room...."tell Victor to leave" (poor man) because in Lithuania ladies don't have babies in front of their menfolk!! Ahem....hate to point out to ye lovie but if ye want privacy beaming out images of your nether bits on Channel four of a Wednesday evening isn't going to secure it! Poor oul Victor...hope he was tuning in that night!

This programme has other benefits though....if you happen to be the mother of a teenage girl....let her watch it with you (especially during a forceps delivery...bahahahaha).....there will be much hiding behind cushions, shredding the said cushion with teeth and best of all legs will be clamped shut and there will be talk of never ever ever having children! Not that I never want her to have babies...of course I do....I just don't want it to happen anytime soon and watching someone getting delivered with legs in stirrups with the aid of a pair of ginormous salad tongs will definitely ensure that the event is prolonged until the time is right!!

Now where is that remote.....

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