There was an article published in todays Irish Independent Mothers and Babies magazine supplement featuring moi talking about adoption, my family and being pregnant again! Bernice Mulligan (brilliant journalist and very lovely compassionate and empathetic lady) interviewed me several weeks ago and we had a great chat (when she eventually got hold of me as I have a head like a sieve these days which is a condition commonly known as pregnancy brain or perhaps thats just my other half's analysis of my compulsion for disorganisation at the moment!)
Literally five days previous to this interview I had been rejected by my birth family or rather my partner was invited to a meeting where the message was to be passed on that they were not willing to meet with me and 'I would never be recognised'. As you can imagine I was distraught and have been experiencing some pretty intense emotions since! However with the help of my poor long suffering Philip, my wonderful adoptive parents and extended family, my children and my close friends who have all rallied around me I'm beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel. I still have dark days where I can barely lift my head where the slightest thing can trigger a whirlwind of emotions but even in my lonliest hour I realise I have a lot to be thankful for that perhaps others in simialr positions aren't lucky enough to have!
The last few days have been particularly rocky as the stress of the situation has began to affect my physical health however I'm determined not to be beaten by the actions of others who to my mind are still thinking of me as a baby wrapped in a blanket who caused a myriad of problems in rural Northern Ireland in the mid 70's where having a baby out of wedlock was akin to committing murder! Nobody has committed murder thankfully, although the thought did cross my mind when I heard myself described as being 'nothing more than a genetic link' (I jest...although the genes must be strong as I resemble quite a lot of the 'birth' cousins I've traced on Facebook...it's wonderful being able to find your family on a social networking site just not so great when you can look but never ever contact! Well I could, but I won't as I have to respect the decisions of others and not allow myself to become bitter and resentful (I've seem first hand what these emotions can do to people and how they can corrode their very soul and am not willing to let that happen to me!) Instead I intend to use my experience for the greater good in the hope that, in time, I'll be able help others and promote adoption as one of the most worthwhile things that can be done! I couldn't have picked better parents if I had tried and Lord knows there are a lot of children in the world who need love!
Anyway...there is a point to my musings this evening! I picked up a copy of the Irish Independent today and didn't get further than the title when tears sprang to my eyes! 'Not Just Anyone'...that suggests that maybe I am special to someone or that perhaps I have done something worthwhile which in my current state of semi worthlessness I appreciated greatly!
Thank you so much Bernice for making my day...and thanks to my family and friends who have made it their mission over the past few weeks to put me back together again when I've fallen apart...Is there 'Anyone for Me?'...Why, I do believe there is and they've been here all along!!
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